| 005: BLOG POST |
[14 Jul 2010|02:22am] |
Out of the kindness of my heart and due to the fact that I doubt I'll be going to bed anytime soon, I have some general rules for those of you interested enough in film that you take the time to visit one of the city's several movie theaters. These rules will keep your experience as stress-free for everyone involved, especially for those of us who have to deal with hundreds of people exactly like you every day. The use of these guidelines will keep you off of our shit list, which can become very long due to the amount of sheer fucking stupid things you people do. I will keep these brief; I know you only have a limited attention span.
- Be mindful of your surroundings. Look, for fuck's sake. Before you ask me where the theater is, the straws are, if we have bathrooms on the main floor, or if we have popcorn, use your goddamn eyes. We aren't hiding the shit. This isn't Where's Waldo.
- You aren't funny. Every joke you want to tell us, every fake bug you want to surprise us with -- leave them at home. Your one-liners are no longer cute and I will kick the ass of the next person who thinks Oh, the red-head just didn't get my level of sophisticated humor. I got it, sir. I've just heard it before. When? Earlier in the day when the last four assholes mangled the movie title into the same fucking pun. Eat shit.
- No, I have not seen the movie. Because I don't give a damn. Contrary to popular belief, it is not in my job description to give a flying fuck about whatever is playing -- nevertheless actually come in to see the damn thing on my free time. I don't expect you to go into your job when you aren't on the clock; why should you expect me to?
- Shut the fuck up about the prices. You know they're high, we know they're high -- can any of us do anything about it? No. You're going to a movie, be prepared to be charged ridiculous amounts of money for any comforts that you want. No one's holding a gun to your head, so stop giving me the fucking tone. I'll titty punch you, bitch.
- Do not follow me into the bathroom, you drunk college shit.
Actually, I'm going to cut it off there. Just follow that last one to the fucking letter and we'll get along peachy. I need a drink.
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| 004: BLOG POST |
[07 Jun 2010|01:56am] |
Wishing everyone a happy start to their week.
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| 003: BLOG POST |
[14 Apr 2010|02:30pm] |
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i can't even think about the utter bullshit that is a stage version of wwz right now. i hope everyone who buys a ticket gets punched in the throat for having no taste.
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| 002: BLOG POST |
[02 Apr 2010|11:40pm] |
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there's nothing quite like getting the wrong order of chinese food delivered to you to remind you that the world can go fuck off and die.
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| 001: BLOG POST |
[24 Mar 2010|01:20pm] |
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The couple that used to fuck at all hours of the night in the apartment above mine have switched to fighting about how to raise babies at all hours of the night. It’s much preferable to listen to. It sounds like... karma.
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